The grasshopper spent his entire spring/summer playing and singing with no thought about how he would prepare for winter. He felt entitled to have his summers free from work. He couldn't be bothered by work. It was "foolishness" to him. However, when winter came, he found himself in dire straits. He was cold and hungry. As he drug himself to the ants' colony, he peeked inside to see the ants all feasting and enjoying the fruits of their labor. Grasshopper weakly knocked on the door and was carried inside and nursed back to health by the kind and generous ants that he had earlier mocked and ridiculed. When the queen ant saw the grasshopper among her colony, she said to him, "With ants, only those who work can stay. So take your fiddle....and play." The queen was quick to remind the grasshopper that he was still responsible to earn his keep in some way. He had to somehow contribute to the feast. The grasshopper's talents were then enlisted to liven up the festivities. We never find out if the grasshopper really learned his lesson and went on to work through the next summer, but I think that Aesop and Disney would want us to infer that moral.
Entitlement is an issue that we hear a lot about these days. Entitlement encompasses two attitudes: (1) I am exempt from responsibility, and (2) I am owed special treatment. In other words, I don't have to do my part, and I should get special treatment.
Many of us have "grasshoppers" in our lives. Perhaps it is a co-worker, family member or friend who wants you to wave a hand over their situation and fix their problems. Maybe your child, despite your best parental efforts, has chosen a path of laziness. They feel they deserve special treatment with no responsibility. I am not exempt from "grasshoppers" myself. I have a sibling who is a perpetual "grasshopper". I also fight this battle at home with my own children. We all want our children to do well and maybe have things or do things we didn't have the opportunity to do. It is a struggle as a parent to find the balance. The difficulty comes in trying to teach them that what they have comes from work or effort of some kind. It is not "owed" to them just because they were born into this world. My husband and I want our children to understand that and we hope that we are teaching them correctly.
As an educator, I see many, many grasshoppers. I see it in all ages and all socio-economic areas. There is an epidemic among young people of entitlement. I feel as an educator it is part of my job to show students that their grades, behavior, etc. are all related to their choices. I say time and time again, "I don't give grades-you earn them." "I don't give marks, your choices determine your behavior marks." Don't get me wrong...many students will own their choices-both good and bad. However, there are always a few that want to throw me under the bus, so to speak. Their failure on the test or project, their inability to attend the behavior reward party is all due to some fault of someone else. They plead this case to their parents and even to me or my colleagues in an attempt to get a different result.
Our job as parents is to be our child's advocate. If we don't speak up for them and defend them, then who will? RIGHT? Absolutely! I have been guilty myself of jumping to the wrong conclusion about a situation. I have emailed teachers to ask questions and receive clarification. I have called assistant principals to ask about a recess or lunchroom issue. But I ALWAYS look for my child's responsibility in the situation. Believe me, as good as my kids are, they are NOT perfect. They do things that embarrass me and make me question my parenting sometimes. I am not immune. I learned the hard way how tough crow is to swallow. So, (keeping with my growth mindset) I learned from my mistakes and I approach issues in a different manner...so as not to make a fool of myself.
I was reading just the other day and came across a post about entitlement by Dr. John Townsend. He has written a book called The Entitlement Cure. In this post, he discusses the Biblical story of Naaman and Elisha. In this story he describes how Naaman, a powerful man, was offended by Elisha's instructions to come wash in the river to cure his leprosy. Naaman expected Elisha to come to him, say a few "magic" words and he would be cured. He felt entitled.
Dr. Townsend goes on to say that the way to cure entitlement starts with compassion. In the post I read, he gave three tips on how to help entitled people (of any age). I have listed them below.
- Be truly "for" them. Entitled people need support. Even when they are driving you crazy, frustrating you, and making you feel helpless, they still need elements of grace. We all have failed and need second and third chances. This will help you have mercy and identify with the person, keeping you away from being judgmental or giving up too soon.
- Be clear about your expectations. Entitlement often causes people to not listen well to requirements and to others' needs and expectations. Because those things don't support their view of themselves as special and above the rules, they tend to dismiss them. Do all you can to defeat this dismissive attitude by being unmistakable in what you want from them. Whether it is specifically defining a payment plan or writing out a goal for their future career path, err on the side of being over-clear. Clarity requires that you don't assume anything in your relationship with your entitled person. (Just a quick aside-THIS IS WHAT I TRY TO DO IN THE CLASSROOM!!!! I TRY TO MAKE ALL ASSIGNMENTS AND EXPECTATIONS CLEAR SO THAT STUDENTS ABSOLUTELY KNOW WHAT I WANT FROM THEM!)
- Find health. Look for friends, churches, counselors and coaches who are full of grace and truth and who could be a resource for your entitled person. Finding your entitled friend, co-worker, child this kind of help isn't being codependent or enabling. It is supporting them. It is doing something for them that they can't do well for themselves.
-Dr. John Townsend, The Entitlement Cure
Entitlement is not an incurable epidemic. It won't be fixed by a wave of a hand. It will take patience, consistency, and compassion to help those who feel entitled become who they were meant to be. We don't want the people we love to get stuck on the escalator. Watch this humorous video to understand.
I look forward to seeing you at parent/teacher conferences this week. As I said in our last post, we ARE all in this together. We are a TEAM united to give our students the best education and provide the best possible future for them.
Happy reading-
Mrs. Tipton
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